Who Would Be the King of the Jungle If It Wasn't George?

As far back as the year 1880 George has been the king of the jungle. He has lead the jungle through the black plague, innovated through the industrial revolution and pulled us through the 2008 stock market crash. Anything you can think of George was the person who got you through it.

So much George has done for the Jungle - but now in recent times he's being ridiculed for not doing enough. The Jungle was starting to dwindle anyone could tell. all the plastic used started to make the wild life weak. For dinner, tigers were feeding their cubs plastic packaging for it was all that could be found. Even the trees started to feel it.

The Jungle was no longer the Jungle civilization knew and loved. It was time for George to dethroned as king. He was good at the beginning but dire change was needed.

What was needed in the jungle was someone that would make the change. Someone that would listen. Someone that would restore the Jungle.

Luckily - fourteen years in the making - Noah was finally accepted over Georges hierarchy as there is no slow down in sight.

In the Jungle, Noah's - not only a person - but an embodiment of civilization. Noah will make the needed changes to revive the Jungle. 

And he did.

Cheers.

Why Can There Never Be a Perfect Salsa to Chip Ratio?

"Ahh Tortilla chips and salsa, such an amazing snack after a long day of life," chip guy spoke.

*After much eating*

Astonished, Chip guy whined, "Wait what the fuck? I thought I got enough chips for this salsa. I guess I will go grab some more chips."

*After much more eating*

"Holy shit, now I have no salsa and too many chips."

Has this ever happened to you? Cause I know it just happened to me last night. My buddy Cool Guy 9000 (name was changed to protect his identity) and I last night were chowing down on some nice chips and salsa. All was fine and dandy till we ran out of the special sauce - salsa. Okay, but that's perfectly reasonable, Cool Guy 9000 can just go get more chips.

After more successful munching and crunching through the help of the newly gathered chips, Cool Guy 9000 and I both realized that there was still salsa left. There it was folks, the question was born. Why Can There Never Be a Perfect Salsa to Chip Ratio?

Through the years of living on planet earth surely humans should have built an instinct to the salsa and chip ratio. Wrong. Think about it. How many different types of chips are there? And how many types of salsa are there? Answer to both of these questions is A LOT. Humans are not advanced enough creatures to develop the proper ratio skills with all this variability.

What Will the New iPhone be like?

Too preface this, this is something I wrote a couple years ago and I still thought it was relatable.

Apples new iPhone Comes Jampacked with Featureless Features

After the Apple Inc. keynote conference last Thursday - where it was first unveiled – the iPhone New is reported to be the most revolutionary smartphone of the century. Pre-orders for the iPhone New will be open this summer 2018 and will take the world by storm Fall 2018 with never-before-seen features.

In 2016, Apple made the bold decision to remove the headphone jack from their smartphone lineup. Because of this, the market success of the iPhone 7 all the way to the iPhone 10 was hindered. This year, Apple was proud to announce during the keynote that they have used the constructive criticism from the public and applied it to the iPhone New. With the iPhone New not only the headphone jack will be removed, all other features from your basic smartphone will be too. Getting rid of all these bells and whistles allowed Apple to improve upon the core of the iPhone, pushing it to unseen levels.

The iPhone New is embedded with OPT (One Part Technology) which allows the smartphone to process without a processor. Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple reported

What Is Dissociation?

The feeling of being dissociated from the world is a very strange feeling. There are many symptoms that you can feel if you're dissociated; it could be: a disconnect from the world but not feeling alone, a fuzzy/cloudy head, being in-tune with every single thought in your head - almost like you have a second conscious consciously thinking about what you are thinking about. Some more symptoms could also include: when you look at your hands and thinking that "THESE ARE MY HANDS" and being shocked, or when if you go for a walk and a huge rush of sonder comes over you. In short the feeling of dissociation is one that cannot fully be described until experienced.

Even if you don't experience these symptoms directly, would it surprise you if I told you that you experience some form of dissociation everyday without even realizing it? Driving is such a boring task that is almost becomes second sense to some people. Most of the time when humans drive we go on some form of "auto pilot" in our brains. Good decisions are still made in the moment but at the destination all is forgotten about the trip. This is a result of dissociation.

All the major unwanted feelings or dumb unwanted situations are controlled by some level of dissociation. Having thousands of memories of almost the exact same car ride is a waste of energy every single (or even working your day job). Energy always needs to be conserved where it can so our body forgets those repetitive moments. As for the emotional sides of things dissociation protects humans from feeling 'too' much - if that makes sense. To a certain degree emotions can be handled but once they reach a certain threshold the mind protects you from being overwhelmed by putting you into a dissociatative state.

Dissociation is a very normal thing to experience in life. Some get it more than others but do not worry if you feel it. I know it feels uncomfortable to feel not yourself but I promise you it's nothing to frett about. Before you know it you'll be your normal living 'living life woohoo' type again. A couple words of advice though is if you cant shake dissociation do not isolate yourself, get out often, exercise, focus on personal projects and take deep breaths - relax - cause it will all be okay.

Cheers.

Does Time Go by Quicker the Older You Are?

Short answer is yes. Yes, time goes by quicker each year. Think back to the dog days as a child, those summers lasted forever until an eternity passed and you had to go back to school. As each summer came and went so did your birthdays. It was as if after grade 8, summers lacked the 'foreverness' feeling that they once had. A snap of the fingers would go by and you'd be onto the next grade.

In grade 12 shit goes by even quicker. Summers no longer were a snap of the fingers, they were more like, go to bed, wake up, what the fuck? I'm in university now?! I am writing this from the perspective of a University student and I can say university summers go by even quicker.

I talked briefly with my parents a couple times about this concept of time going by quicker and found out that every year for them is quicker than what I feel, it's like a blink of an eye. For them they've got this great time measuring device called a children. And those measuring devices aged pretty damn quick for them, almost too quick.

Now that we've established rough framework to support the notion of time going quicker I can now go to the next step and answer why.

When you turn the rip old age of 1 years old your entire life leading up to that moment was contained within the bounds of that 1 year. Your next birthday comes by and you turn 2 years old. Guess what, that 2nd year of life that you just lived is 50% of your entire life not 100% like when you turned 1. At age 3, the size of the time period between your second birthday and your third is now reduced to 33.3% of your life (or living 1 year of life out of the total 3 years of life is only 33.3% of your entire life).

What I am trying to get at is that after each year of your life it becomes more and more insignificant in size in reference to your life. When you turned 1 years of age that year was all you knew. If you could somehow remember what it was like to live during those first 365 days of life I'm sure it would take forever because you are developing first time experiences! From the age of 88 to 89 that year is only 1.12% of your total life, completely insignificant. Think about all those 88 years of memories in retrospect. 1 more year of memories is nothing.

While there is not a lot of science backing this claim I made (maybe there is i'm not sure, but I feel its more of a physiological thing) I o think it's still one of the answers to this question.

Cheers.

What Is the Meaning of Life?

This is a great big question but it's nothing I can't handle. After all, I haven't even finished university yet so of course I am able to answer this question.

Let me ask you a question. What is the meaning of your life? Yes, you heard me. I just answered this great big question with another question. But truth be told, it's the answer.

The meaning of your life doesn't have to be some in depth insane elaborate philosophical answer. In-fact your meaning could be just about eating ice cream cones. Every single person on this earth has a different meaning to their life. This meaning can consist of family, friends, work, significant other(s) or simply being your best self everyday. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. Maybe you have 5 things that you live for and maybe you only have 1, either way they are equally as important.

Pro tip: If someone is content with their meaning of life and you don't like it then you should think long and hard whether you found the meaning of your life. If they are happy stop and think to yourself what more do you want out of life other than to feel pure happiness? An ice cream cone? Okay, maybe.

You might be thinking to yourself: "Matt, that's all great and all but how do you find your meaning of life?"

Well that right there is another great question but this is mostly your doing. It's nothing I can really help you with.

A piece of advice I'd give however to find 'your meaning' is to do what ever floats your boat, turns your crank, yanks your chain, rustles your jimmy's, jumps your jacks or the zest to your zester. Really do what ever makes you happy. Do you want to go to art school but your parents are telling you to go to law school to make money? Be the rebellious teenager and go to art school. It's not fun being on the unhappy path, slogging through day after day after day. Maybe you randomly decide one day to start a blog for absolutely no freaking reason! Then mother freaking do it! If it makes YOU happy then do it. Just do it (Nike™)

This blog post definitely didn't answer the question and I am sorry. It was more of a ramble this time, but that's because this is an infinity big question (don't even get me started on infinity). I'm just a boy, not a god. Also before I end this post - now that I have you re-thinking your entire life, I wanted to leave you with one sentence of wisdom that my friend gave to me. I'll probably butcher it but it goes something like this: "Treat your life like a game and do your best every single day to win it."

Your meaning of life doesn't necessarily have to be "something," it could just be rules to live by.

Cheers.

How Good Is Your Tree House?

After all the requests I've received I think it's finally time to tackle the worlds biggest question: How good is your tree house? In this blog post there were countless of different judging models that I could have followed but I figured it was in everyone best interest that I develop my own criteria. An important note is that this criteria uses the Good Point Factor or better known as the GPF. The higher the GPF the more influence the criteria has on the overall GPF of the tree house.

This list contains the top 5 GPF and is ordered from the lowest GPF to the greatest GPF:

5.  Wood Type, GPF = 3

You must be thinking, what do you mean the wood type? Yes you heard me. If you're running a basic Pine setup...come on. A Tiger wood from the jungle is a much better choice and exponentially a much better investment if you plan to resell your tree house in the end. However, in my opinion a nice Teak is where its at. No explanation needed.

In short. Get cooler wood. Don't run with the basic pine.

4. Height, GPF = 7

Height is a huge factor in tree house industry. Would you rather have a tree house the height of  the trees in your backyard or the height of the CN Tower? CN Tower, exactly. If you've made the mistake of not getting to the proper height of the CN Tower do not worry! The quick fix is to dig up all the trees in your yard and start stacking till you reach the height of around 533 m (and then you'' get some GPF's). I know my tree house I own is about the height of the Dubai Tower which is 828 m.

3. Flame Resistance, GPF = 28.5

If your tree house is not flame resistant who are you? This one just explains itself.

2. Elevator, GPF = 8999

Yes. I understand having a tree house the height of the CN Tower and an elevator don't mix. But listen, if you pull it off you're a god. Imagine ascending over 533 m on a shitty piece of wood. Damn. All the bystanders would flock to watch. I'm sure even the firemen and police would stop by at the bottom and watch.

1. Burger King Foot Lettuce, GPF = 9001

This is over 9000 because the thing you'd want in your tree house is someone's foot fungus. But as it turns out, it's not always be what you get. Burger King foot lettuce is difficult to master but once you get it down, your tree house would be unstoppable. My best friend mastered it back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

Cheers.

Are Galaxies Moving Away from Us?

I've come here today to give a dumb down version of how we are able to identify that most galaxies are moving away from us. To start off I'll give some needed info then I'll jump into the meat and jelly.

What is Light?

Light acts as both wave and a particle. (There are ways to detect this look up double slit experiment if you're interested but you'll just have to accept this from me) Because of this property you can think of light traveling through space the exact same way sound waves travel through our air.

The light waves look somewhat like the wave depicted in this picture. Each wave has a specific amplitude (the height) and wavelength (length horizontal that it takes the wave to reach the top, bottom and then back to the center...look at the diagram it'll be eaiser).

Credit to Khan Academy for this

In short: Amplitude affects the brightness of the light. Wavelength affects the color of the light.

Now with all that out of the way...here is the meat and jelly

The Doppler effect. This is an effect predominantly known for being discussed along side emergency vehicles. I.E. When a firetruck whizzes towards you with it's sirens blaring, the sound emitted from the sirens is louder. As soon as the firetruck passes you the siren sound drops in volume. Another way to look at this is when the firetruck comes towards you the sound waves have more energy and when it moves away they have less energy.

Light is also affected by the Doppler effect because it's a wave.

There is a visible light spectrum that looks like this picture on the right. The red colored (light) waves have less energy and the violet have more energy.

The light that scientists view from distant galaxies is predicted to look like the vertical visible spectrum on the left side (look up absorption spectrum to see why there are black lines) instead the light observed looks like the spectrum next to it. This model is called red shifted. Pay attention to where the black lines end up...they all got shifted up towards the red section.

Now think back to the Doppler effect. When waves were moving away from you, you perceived them with less energy. The light being red shifted has less energy as it is more in the red spectrum of colors. Therefore the light of the galaxies are moving away from you as the light waves (kinda) have less energy then what they should have.

Now. What would it mean for light to be blue shifted?




Cheers.

Why Living in Space is Inevitable

At first I was thinking to take this Blog post to the comedic side of things, but in the end I truly believe there are real reasons as to why living in space will happen.

1. What the fuck is happening on earth?

      Okay but really, what is happening? Kinder-fucking-surprise eggs are still banned in the USA. How can Americans live on without knowing how delicious chocolate egg tastes? All of them should be grateful for what Elon Musk is doing.

      Mr. Musk is not trying to colonize mars to prolong the existence of humanity. No. That would be silly talk. Colonizing Mars is the first step in resuscitating Americans from their Kinderless life. The Americans can live their forever and enjoy all the chocolaty goodness and toys they want. Let's all take a moment of silence in honor of Mr. Musk.

2. I was going to list #2 but I need to be silent in honor of the modern day superhero Musk Man

3. Always been explorers

      Think about when you were a kid playing out doors, all you wanted to do was explore and learn about your surroundings. Now take an example from that history class you took in high school. You learned that Homo Sapiens have been traversing this Earth inside and out. Even a couple dozen years ago us humans have reached the deepest part of the ocean (Marianas trench). Also don't even attempt to forget that we went to the moon before and that NASA announced humans are going back in the year 2024.

      What idea I'm trying to convey is that humans have always been explorers. No matter the age. No matter the era of time.

      In conclusion, just like our ancestors explored earth and lived all over, we will explore space and live all over. And then the Americans will be able to experience the pure bliss that everyone else gets to by indulging their beautiful face with Kinder-fucking-Surprise eggs.

Cheers.

P.S. I did research after writing this to see if the Kinder Surprises were still banned in the USA. Welp, they are but are not at the same time. They go under an alias 'Kinder Joy' and are a little bit different than the Kinder Eggs we know and love, well... not for the Americans. Let's go to space.

Salad

Yenno, why cant we all just have access to salad. It's a basic item, so why can't we all have it? Do people in Antarctica have it? I don't fucking know, do you?

Too many questions. Not enough answers, Please donate to my paypal.

Cheers.