Too preface this, this is something I wrote a couple years ago and I still thought it was relatable.
Apples new iPhone Comes Jampacked with Featureless Features
After the Apple Inc. keynote conference last Thursday - where
it was first unveiled – the iPhone New is reported to be the most revolutionary
smartphone of the century. Pre-orders for the iPhone New will be open this
summer 2018 and will take the world by storm Fall 2018 with never-before-seen
features.
In 2016, Apple
made the bold decision to remove the headphone jack from their smartphone
lineup. Because of this, the market success of the iPhone 7 all the way to the iPhone
10 was hindered. This year, Apple was proud to announce during the keynote that
they have used the constructive criticism from the public and applied it to the
iPhone New. With the iPhone New not only the headphone jack will be removed, all
other features from your basic smartphone will be too. Getting rid of all these
bells and whistles allowed Apple to improve upon the core of the iPhone,
pushing it to unseen levels.
The iPhone New is embedded with OPT (One Part Technology)
which allows the smartphone to process without a processor. Tim Cook, the CEO
of Apple reported
on OPT during the keynote, “The iPhone New uses the anti-conductive properties of the rubber body to maintain even energy level across every square inch.” No company except Apple understands how this technology works, but it was rumored
on OPT during the keynote, “The iPhone New uses the anti-conductive properties of the rubber body to maintain even energy level across every square inch.” No company except Apple understands how this technology works, but it was rumored
A 60-year
battery life will also be featured on the iPhone New. Due to the lack of a
screen and the simplistic rubber body, the iPhone New lasts until the body
naturally decomposes.
The CEO of Samsung, DJ Koh, responded to the big news, “The
new iPhone does nothing, it is a rubber brick.” Many Apple fans were angry
hearing that their favorite tech. company was being dissed. Twitter handler
with the username ‘Iambrainwashedbyapple’ responded to the CEO’s comment with,
“Your just jelly that u have bad phones, do u even lift bro?”
Even with Samsung’s negative connotations towards the iPhone
New, they can’t knock the genius business model. Apples iPhone New is reported
to out do Samsung’s next smartphone by an unheard of $200,000,000 in opening
sales. Fans of Apple are already waiting in line for its Fall release and some
have even pitched a tent.
Cheers.
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